That Floating Excrement Was Far Too Symbolic! These Are the TV Disappointments of the Past Year.
Looking back, we consider the television offerings of the recent year, a handful of series emerge not for their excellence, but for their spectacular shortcomings. Ranging from awkward spin-offs to bafflingly bad docuseries, here are the programmes that had us utterly bewildered or simply reaching for the remote.
The 'Sex and the City' Sequel
Where to begin with this love/hate spin-off? Burdened with woeful writing, painful character development (we demand better for Miranda!), and a paltry 71 seconds of fan-favourite Samantha, the show struggled to find its footing. Briefly, as the third series began, it seemed as if it had at last hit its stride. Then came an episode centered on Seemaâs natural deodorant. No wonder the creator declared this would be the final series. It concluded on a low point; the lingering shot of Mirandaâs loo flooded with poo was just way too on-the-nose. Yet, fans undeniably had a hoot dissecting every single âwhat on earth?â episode. And as Carrie â a single woman once more â twirled around her palatial townhouse to Barry White, who couldn't release a small sob?
The Kim Kardashian Drama
âIs Kim Kardashian an actress? Of course she canât.â
But that was practically the smallest of this drama's problems. The subject of a exceedingly uncommon no-star assessment, it was difficult to know where to start listing the problems. The hilariously wooden dialogue? The tedious veneration of wealth and consumption? The seemingly wilful procession of tropes? Performances so poor they felt borderline malicious? Suffice it to say âall of the aboveâ and forget about this series again. Except, a second season has been commissioned, so weâre likely going to have to.
The Charlie Sheen Documentary
Considering the legal troubles, domestic violence claims and fatherly shortcomings, itâs fair to say Charlie Sheen has been a bad boy. Not that youâd really have known it from this three-part docuseries which smirked its way at Sheenâs various bouts of self-destructive excess while struggling to tell us anything we weren't already aware of. Instead, it felt as if this loose cannon was being pandered to, so any pity this show might induce should be saved for the people who have had to suffer proximity with this charming but dismissive egotist.
The Supercomputer Drama
Naturally we knew it was preposterous from the outset: a thriller about a supercomputer known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either save the world â or destroy all of humanity. We stuck with it out of sheer admiration for its stars ⌠but by the end, it felt like even they had given up trying. One scarcely cared when his character died, and the other ended up slicing Charlie with an axe ⌠in super slow-motion. Talk about giving up the ghost.
The Gangster Drama
Shady characters convening in empty boxing gyms? The Prodigyâs Firestarter blaring in club scenes? The late 90s called and demands its crime drama back.
Actually, that is harsh on the crime shows of the late 90s. Many seem a bit old-fashioned now, but at least they didnât suffer the ignominy of having to accommodate unconvincing dialects. But there were many other problems. Mainly that it was just profoundly dull; a dispute over drug-selling territory between various London picaresques which seemed a bit basic.
The Meghan Markle Series
Given the extent to which she grinds the gears of certain ostentatiously enraged commentators, itâs almost easy to admire the Duchess of Sussexâs televised ventures into twee lifestyle as deliberate statements. But then you view them and are compelled to admit that in this case, they might have a point. Itâs like watching a homeware catalogue come to life; a poster for wine oâclock with ideas of grandeur; a parade of sleeping dogs, humming beehives, Hallmark sayings and forgettable crafting âhacksâ youâll not remember instantly. All underpinned by immense, largely undeserved wealth. Ugh.
The Beckham Documentary
There are clearly interesting things to be said about both Victoria Beckham and her journey with career, identity, self-acceptance. But for whatever reason, this three-part series chose not to say them. Instead, the experience was like reading a marketing catalogue. She obviously has good reason to bridle at what she describes as her âmiserable cowâ image. But unfortunately, she failed to do herself any helps with this cagey non-event of a series.
The Inheritance
It had the potential to be the next cultural phenomenon â except even more extravagant, with a glamorous star playing dead and a well-known personality managing her estate. What more could you want? As players battled it out, there was plenty of backstabbing and arguing. But the rules quickly became incomprehensible: itâs even now too confusing to detail what exactly was happening. Even more disappointingly, we only saw glimpses of the star via prerecorded videos. The series ended up reeking of a production that was straining desperately to emulate something way beyond it.
Too Much
How does one succeed a show that captured a generation? The expectation was enormous for this glitzy romantic comedy about Jessica, a hopeful New Yorker who lands in London with a broken heart. The lead actress took her biggest role by the horns and was a delight to watch, reveling in Austen levels of romantic notions. But it was all very glossy and, ironically, was insufficient. Plus, the abundance of celebrity cameos involved felt icky.
The Sketch Show Return
Not good enough to be âunevenâ.
Given the shrewd recruitment of talented emerging comics, hopes were high. But unhappily, most of it didnât land. A recurring sketch was a one-note joke milked to a husk but recurring in every episode. One star seemed too willing to slip into a well-known ranting mode. The behind-the-scenes sketches, in contrast, simply provoked the thought that they should probably have stayed in there a while longer.
The Knox Dramatisation
This dramatisation of the story of Amanda Knox was overseen by Amanda Knox and pretty much exclusively showcased the viewpoint of Amanda Knox. So, while there probably is an compelling drama to be made about the horrific 2007 murder, this was not it. The subject matter needed to be treated sensitively. Rather, the series laboured awkwardly to find the right voice, lurching from oddly jaunty, slightly stylised farce to ultimately, real-life horror. Twisted? Arguably. A total mess? Absolutely.
Prime Target
We admire the star ⌠but did we buy him playing the greatest maths genius in history, a man so intelligent heâs on the verge of a breakthrough that could ruin society? Nope! This international thriller about secret services targeting â and killing off â academics honestly got more absurd by the second. Formulaic nonsense.
The Bonnie Blue Documentary
This hagiography followed the online personality renowned for sexual exploits as she undertook her most extreme feat yet. What on earth would motivate her? What we wanted was way more examination of her actual psyche, plus those of the men in the line. They could at least have interviewed the now-famous mum who appeared to drag her son away from the queue. What we got was horrific shots and zero critical analysis of her infamy whatsoever. And to think, the filmmaker has a teenage daughter too.